February 20th, 2007
|10:30 am - Russian Romantics|
Hey, so, I set up another journal for my travels. I would've just used this one but I had no time to go back and make all my old entries private, and I wasn't sure who'd be reading my travel journal so it's mapdots. Hopefully I'll have stories every couple of weeks. And there's a link to photo's from there. There's no photo's up yet, but eventually. Anyways... yeah... go check that out.
And, I'm in Calgary, not too exciting, but it's something. I'm listening to Classical Russian Opera at this nice lady's house. Olivia is packing up her things. This afternoon we'll get on the bus for 50 hours, eat some pot brownies, make some friends, and hopefully be able to sleep tonight. We're going right to Montreal, Emma and Jesara take note! Emma, sorry we wont be in Guelph for a while. I wanted to come this week but looks like not. Anyways, we'll be around. I should probably go. All of a sudden I feel like Madame Clavelle, "something is not right!" Better go figure it out.
Keep in touch,
February 11th, 2007
February 6th, 2007
Hopefully I'll be setting up a new journal for my travels soon. If I get a camera, then for sure. I think I'm just gonna go suck it up and buy a digital camera. I'll want it, I know I will. Even now I want to show you everything. I want to show you the handsome electrician. I want to show you acoustimat. I want to show you the drywallers throwing mud at me. I want to show you Dave the labourers underwear model pose. I want to show you my scraped up knuckles and shirt sleeves full of snot. Everything. I just wish you were here.
anyways. I'll send out the link for my travel journal soon. Does anybody know which website would be the best? I really like this one but if there's one that's better for pictures? Also, what website do you use for putting pictures on the internet?
That's all for today.
Tomorow - the electrician.
haha. no, really.
Current Music: Hayden - Bad as They Seem
January 18th, 2007
|10:16 pm - Melvin Fidel, the Rat Queen of Quarteracre Ranch.|
Melvin died today. I got home from work and she was on top of her box. Head hanging over the edge, looking feeble and drained. She hasn't been eating much if at all and her skin was hanging off her bones like all those descriptions of dieing people that I've read of but never really seen. Then she collapsed. I didn't see it, I just heard the thud as she hit the floor. She flopped a little but couldn't get up. I ran to her, picked her up gently and held her to my chest. She was so scared. Kate looked into her eyes and said that she was afraid to die alone. So I made her a nest, and we curled up in front of the wood stove for half an hour or so. I stroked her back. Kate looked things up on the computer, rat illness and whatnot. But we could tell it was just her time. I've ever seen a pet die before. I've seen dead pets, but that's just their bodies. When Melvin's soul left her it shook her whole little skeleton and she flopped a few times, right off the ground just like a fish when it's brought into the boat. I didn't think there was that sort of muscle strength in her. Before that moment she couldn't even lift her head. I wondered where it came from. She was still, coughed a few times. And then was gone.
I had just sent Carlie an email a few minutes before, asking how old Melvin was and if she had anything wrong before. I sent her another. it was short. "she's dead." I wish it had been something like, "come home carlie, I love you." but it wasn't.
My mom said she was sorry Melvin died. And addmitted that she had really loved having a rat roaming around our house. She was even telling Melvin stories at a meeting-party the other day. It's a special rat who can steal food from the dogs, fall asleep in your laundry, watch you from under the couch, and convince an entire farming family that rat's are the cutest, most lovable, smartest creatures there are.
January 8th, 2007
|06:26 pm - PRT, nightshift, lovelife|
Sooooooo.... After having not written for such an extremely long time, I do not know why this entry is particularly worthy of posting. But, fucking, whatever. So, I work at a reforestation seedling proccessing factory. Very assembly line-style, repeditive action, make your own fun kind of work. And so, in order to have a good time while we're there. And because we are all a bunch of nut-jobs, there has been much antics and bonding taking place between all of us on the nightshift crew these past few months. And some interesting relationships forged. Jerry and Earle are both 30 something, balding, beergutted, pot smoking deadheads the likes of whom you might see on Trailer park boys or some such Canadian situational comedy. They are my honourary uncles and I love them both to death. Leia is a tall, blonde, cute, playful 12th grade student who reminds me alot of me... If I were tall, blonde, cute, and still in 12th grade (which I kind of still am.) Earle has the hugest crush on Leia. He has since the beginning. And Leia has always known this. I think she likes him too, but in a different way than he does. Jerry wants to have sex with me. And I tease him with this relentlessly. Yes, I know, I am a horrible person. But here's the twist, I want to have sex with Leia. I've been implying things all week and she is more and more affectionate with me. But I still don't know. Girls are always so much more subtle than guys. The four of us are going out tonight. I showered and washed myself with lots of nice smelling soap. I put on clean clothes and mascara and thought of Leia the whole time. It began to feel like I was getting ready for a date. And I sorta wished I was. I got butterflies when I picked up the phone to call her and dialed her number wrong twice. I'm going to pick her up at 9:00. Then we're going to go to the bar and meet the guys. Then Leia's going to sleep over at Earles. damn damn damn. But you know, even if Leia doesn't have feelings for me, I bet she'd makeout with me just to make Earle crazy. Am I a horrible person also for thinking that? fucking, whatever. I love this. I can't wait.
Current Music: Mates of State. yeah I know I'm a dork.
November 25th, 2006
I'm falling from a great height. And I feel so alive.
September 8th, 2006
|03:18 pm - To those who know me well|
Do you believe in me? Do you think I can achieve my dreams? When you think, I wonder where molly will be in ten years? what automatically comes to mind?
I am just curious about how other people see me, because I've often found it's different than one see's oneself and can provide some insight from a different perspective.
If you could reply to this when you're around a computer, that would please me.
Current Music: Leningrad - Blyadi (whores)
September 5th, 2006
|06:51 pm - where is your mind?|
I had a nightmare for the first time in a long time. not like the standard "chased by the unknown" nightmares or "falling from a great height" nightmares, but a full on "crying when i woke up" nightmare. And the worst part; it was so real. And I don't mean that it just felt real. It was real scenarios that could easily happen and it was straightforward, clearly giving me a message. I was out, partying I guess, in a scumbala-esque scenario. In fact, I think we were even at Shelly and Cliff's place. It was dark, I remember vaguely, and I had the feeling of being drunk. It was a really nice time for a while but throughout the dream things kept getting worse. It started okay though, I was with Cliff, we were fucking on a bridge and our bodies were like play-dough moving into eachother. I knew it was him in my heart but his face wouldn't stay the same. just his face, it kept shifting, he was different people I knew and people I didn't think I knew, he was cartoon and a sketch, he was invisible, and a monster, an old man, a baby. And it was shifting so fast I was getting dizzy. (think, Bill Plymton's (plymptoons)"Your Face" animation) It frightened me because I didn't know who he REALLY was. Then Shelly came but she looked like my sister. She held me close to her and I remember crying. But things were okay. Then it got darker and I couldn't see at all. I was trying to fing my pants in these bushes and the ground was all mud. This man was holding me really tight and I was struggling against him and getting really panicky, he wouldn't let me go and I was powerless. Then I guess I blacked out. Or maybe I just can't remember it all. In the dream I woke up at Carlie's house where i had slept. Her dad was there, he had come home that night and found me freaking out in their house. I didn't remember this. But the look he gave me made me crumble inside. It was like he thought I was dangerously insane and like he was dissappointed in me and like he knew I would never amount to anything. (this is the scariest look I have ever seen) Then I looked at Carlie and she was looking at me like this too. I was all freaked out because I didn't remember what had happened and I thought maybe I WAS going insane. I kept having thoughts but they wouldn't connect, I couldn't make sense of anything. Carlie's dad called my mom who came and picked me up. She treated me like something about to break. I only had vague senses of anything and I realized I had lost my mind. This feeling I cannot describe. But when I woke up I started to cry and nearly crawled into my parents bed to feel something real next to me. I turned all the lights on and shook my head around. (This actually works to shake up the sadness.) Then I made Kate sleep in my bed. She actually appreciated this because in her sleep she had squashed a stink bug in her bed.
Today I feel better but I'm really shaken up by this dream. If dreams are meant to tell the dreamer something... this one was honest and I have a feeling I know now what my subconscious was saying. If you like interpreting dreams though, any input would be interesting.
That's all tonight. woo, I have the heeby-jeebys now writing about this. It really fucking freaked me out. It's even scarier than that dream where I rode a camel in the sewer and it turned into a gorilla with fangs.
August 13th, 2006
|06:21 pm - the maturity of debauchery|
My Plan for the week of August the 14th.
1. Apply for lifeguarding at the pool.
2. Enroll in Math at the learning centre.
3. Call driving teacher for more lessons.
4. Complete two Russian lessons.
There's a lot more I'm going to do. I'm going to read Children of the Arbat. I'm going to make a new sweater. I'm going to take Olivia out dancing. And I'm gonna take myself out for beers on the beach when the week is through. But those are the things that never need to be planned for because I couldn't stop them from happening even if I wanted to.
But yeah, they're short staffed at the pool so my hopes are rising about this job. It pays $15 an hour and shouldn't be too bad as long as there are no accidents. And I get to play silly games with little kids who are 100 times cooler than I'll ever be.
Scumbala was incredible (debaucherous). I want to live there. Just two days out there and my soul is bigger. my soul's been growing a lot lately though. It feels healthy. I feel alive.
July 22nd, 2006
|01:52 pm - Voldemort can't stop the rock!|
so, here we are. Underwear dancing to Harry and the Potters again. would it be a paradox to say that this keeps me sane? But really, there's nothing we like more than watching wizards rock out like this: Voldemort can't stop, the ROCK! whew!
Anyways, how are you all doing? Amber, Amy, I'm sorry I haven't been keeping in touch but I think about you guys all the time. And I bet you're rocking out wherever you are now. And I hope you're keeping it rockin' in Israel Daniel. Show Lebanon who's boss. just kidding. sorta. No need to ask if Kate's rockin' out. I bet you look tough with your swollen lip. I'll probably get down to see you soon. wait, scratch that. I'll DEFINATELY get down to see you soon. Olivia! do you have a calling card or something? I want to talk to you! I bet it's hotter here than it is in mexico right now, shit. Me and Kate found some old school clothlike air mattresses in the dump pile from the garage sale leftovers and blew them up and took them to the beach this morning, it was so rad. But it's like, 40 degrees or something. hence the whole underwear thing at 2 in the afternoon. Speaking of Harry and the Potters... Thankyou so much for those signatures Jess!!!! Thankyou actually can't express my gratitude, I don't know what could. That's one of the greatest things of a frivoulous nature than anyone has ever done for me, ever! And the shirt is awesome, I'm actually wearing it right now, i'm also putting together your package today too. It cheers me knowing that you exist. All of you. April too, how's the book going? I wish everything good to happen to you. Does anyone else read my journal that I could address now as well? Gabriel! Give li'l Zaz a hug for me when you see her, tell her we painted a mural of her on our wall right beside the T.V. so we can always remember her. haha, no, but we should. And on the offchance that Noah saunters into an internet cafe somewhere in san francisco to get an iced mocha on a hot day and wonders, how's molly doing? Then, HELLO NOAH! show those san fransiscans who's boss! Oh, and, Jesara's grandma... PENIS-BUTT!!!
(can you tell I miss you all and need someone to play with?)
Yeah, just thought I'd do that, let you all know I'm thinking of you without being exclusive and emaily about it. (?) That's all. mmmmm Fiddle.
Current Music: Harry and the Potters and then Flogging Molly.